Venting/Possible.

For like the idk how many people that read my blog, I think I'm gonna delete it, or just stop writing. I mean the ones that are subscribed maybe like 2/4 people read it, and maybe the one person who knows about it that doesn't write a blog comes to read it.

Maybe I'm just saying this because I'm upset with something completely different. Blah. I just felt the need to vent. Right now I'm missing living with my dad. He would actually include me and my siblings on the trips he went one. HA. My mother can't even do that, and tells me 2 weeks before she "possibly" goes to Puerto Rico that she's going with her bf, oh yeah and well I CAN'T go. Wooo, good job ditching me on like the 5th trip you've gone on..

And I don't even think I'm gonna call myself LAM anymore, I rarely talk to the person that that came from >.<...

Okay Done venting. I'm sorry.

Simply Yours,

Lorraine.

2 in one day =). 2/20/09

Friday 2/20/09
Boy oh boy, do I never wanna wear heels again!!. But I will end up doing so anyways. My feet still hurt and it's Sunday. -_-.

Well Friday I came into the city. That was an adventure. As I was on my way to see my friend, JAM, rap--I had that "lust" at first sight. I was just sitting on the train, when this guy caught my eye, and I'm guessing I caught his because we seemed to look at eachother everytime, at the same time--he kept smiling, and I smiled back--then his stop came =(--as he was getting off he looked back at me, and I at him--he continued to walk and looked back, and gave me this beautiful smile, showing his teeth and everything lol. I still remember what he was wearing too--A black peacoat, light ripped jeans, cowboy boots[[his jeans were over them]], he had ruffled hair and he was tall. He was so handsome. Enough of that..I think I'm drooling. Hahah.
After getting off the train, I was approached by an agent, his name was Brock. He gave me his card and everything. He was there for fashion week at Bryant Park. That was very interesting. But it could be a scam. Who knows?

Eventually I meet up with my cousin and her friends--said hello, and was introduced to the people I didn't know. Then we were off to see our friend, JAM. Of course they're rushing and I'm trying to keep up the pace, but being in heels--I'm dying and just falling all over the place. HA. I think all in all that night I fell about 5 or 6 times. Go mee. We got to the place and it was packed inside, so we were just waiting for JAM to come on and perform. He went on and he was soo good. I'm so proud of him. After his performance, everyone decided they would be go to Plush, a club in Queens.

We get there, and normally I don't dance because well..I CAN'T dance. Hahah. Bachata comes on, I can't dance bachata for my life, but my friend, Julian tried to teach me. That was just disaster, especially with my heels on. Julian ended up battling some guy. then we started dancing. Not for nothing though, I had mad fun. I enjoyed my night, and the adventure home.

"David has bunny ears."

Friday was a night to remember for me, and not just for the reasons listed abovee =O.
I'm done, hahah I wrote a lot =).
Time to celebrate my grandma's birthday.. (:

Simply Yours,

Mookie.

Update..

Alright so. I haven't written in 2 weeks exactly. I figured I might as well now =).

I've been friends with my friend Sandra for a while now, but not up until recently did I realize that she would truly be one of the greatest and best friends I have ever had. Being a human being, I made a mistake--one that could've costed us our friendship, BUT. she forgave me. I was shocked!. I mean I considered Sandra to be one of my better friends for where I lived, but I was in awe. I'm so thankful to have found a friendship like that. And I guess that goes to prove that it's not about how long you've known eachother, but the quality of the relationship that you have with them. I lub ju "Kobey." =).

Before I continue with what I've been up to..I'd also like to say how thankful I am for my mom because even though we've had one hell of a rocky relationship, she managed to be there for me through quite a painful time. Lately, it's been feelin like old times, like when I used to live in Queens, we would be on the train, and she would lightly touch my face with her hair. And recently, she even woke me up tickling my feet. That made me laugh. But yeah. I love her<3>

Onto what I have been upto lately....
I have actually been hanging out with people?!!? =O. It's quite the shocker I know. Hahah. Usually I spend my weekends at home, alone, watchin TV..but 3 weeks ago, I went out to the movies, then my friend came and stood over my house. Last weekend--I stood over my one friends house, and then her and another friend stood over mine on Sunday. This weekend(Friday)--Saw my friend perform, and I went clubbing for the first time.[[write bout that in another blog]]

Valentine's Day--My dog was my valentine. =) *All at once: AWW*. Haha just kidding. But she was. My mom gave me a nice feeling pajamas, socks, and chocolate[mm] for Valentine's Day. She does something special for every holiday and I love it =). I also just relaxed, watched a lovey-dovey movie, and ate chocolate ice cream. Then my mom brought me home my favorite dish!!. WOO. All-in-all, I enjoyed my day with my doggie =).

I'm going to write about Friday in another blog. =)

Simply Yours,

LAM.

Questioning it?

I don't know what I think about when I do some of the things I do. You know? Like especially things that make you wonder how you could be so stupid. But then you look at it and think, "At one point this is exactly what I wanted to do." So if it's exactly what you wanted to do, why would you question that? I personally don't know why. But I find myself questioning it all the time.

Just felt like saying that..that's all I have to say right now.
I'll right more another time.

Simply Yours,

Lorabelle

Happiness. 6:30am post.

Woo. Midterms are now finally done. I doubt I passed my chem. That was just ridiculously hard, even with the cheat sheet we were allowed to have.

Anywho...
I find myself curious and wondering a lot lately, like how I used to when I was a kid and shit. When I was younger I would always be one to ask questions, like when I was just starting to learn what separation and divorce back when I was about 6 or 7..I would always ask my mom and dad why they couldn't be together. Apparently, I would ask the craziest stuff that a child wouldn't normally ask, or so I'm told by the parentals and the family.. I know find myself doing that again.
I don't know if I like that yet or not. I guess we shall soon find out..Blegh.

I'm kind of feeling awkward. I mean, I'm happy. Really happy lately. This "new found" happiness, is really just making me want to explore the world. I want to go outside and just see everything this world has to offer. I want to travel, I want to go camping [[yes I actually want to stay out in the woods with all those bugs]], I just want to feel free, and just simply BE. I want to see the beauty in this world that is hiding, I want my eyes to just open and feel the light. I want it to be summer so I can just go outside with a blanket, just lay there, and look at the stars for hours. I want an adventure, and adventure that is magical, special, invigorating, full of laughter, and so much more. I want to be able to go to the Drive-in, lay on top of a car, watch a movie, and be under the stars with the option to just do either. I mean I know you go to the movies to see a movie, but to be there and just have the stars above you, showing all these possibilities..that makes me feel just this feeling, that I can't explain. I know I keep saying I want, but it's not about just wanting because I plan to go after all that, and I'm excited. I would like it if people joined me on the journey, or journeys, just to share the memories with someone, and enjoy the excitement. It could be a group of friends, a loved one, my dog, someone new.

I look at the possibilities of what the future holds, and my mind just fills with all these ideas of what I could do, and want to do. Of what could happen, and what couldn't. I look at the options of this year alone, and for all I know, I could meet the love of my life, or that person can be standing right in front of me, and its just magical. I could get hurt, but that's not what I want to think about, nor what I plan on thinking about. I'm just looking ahead to the great times I'll spend with mis amigos, loved ones, pets. ANYONE. I feel as though I'm in this new mentality, and I'm just simply happy. I mean, sure I can be angry, but why spend time being angry or feeling alone, when I know I have people who love me that I love just as much.

Technically yesterday, I found myself being angry, but I just couldn't stay angry. My friends cheered me up, and I just was happy. I also find myself being nicer, or at least pointed out to me by Turtle. To those of you who I have had that deep conversation regarding our relationship[[you know who you are]]..I love you guys/girls & I meant every word of it =).

I'm off to do some errands now and get my ish ready to stay at Turtle's house with Cellery. :D I'll write again soon :D.

Simply Yours,

Mookie.

P.S. To the man I will be marrying at 27, and start dating at 24[[insider]] :P..You're words are amazing, and will always be important to me. I listen to you when you speak. I hear you when you speak. I read what you say. You are an amazing person and deserve the best. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. I'll be singing to you again soon. ;). Lol Love ya.

Effort. ---for you.

To JAM: I was trying to write Saturday night, but I just couldn't seem to come up with anything to say. And every day since Saturday..I have tried to come to this blog and write something..and my fingers were just stuck. So because you said to write something new..I dedicate my effort at this blog to you.

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On that notee

Mid terms this week. I think I did farely well on my math. And I thought I would do good on my english, but who knows. I was falling asleep due to my horrible sleep pattern. So the essay I wrote was kind of just BS.

• Today we had a snow day unfortunately. And don't get me wrong I love the snow. But the longer and more it's here, the longer it feels not only till I GRADUATE, but till I get my license. I'm extremely anxious.

So the last 2 days of are exams have been pushed to tomorrow and Friday. OH joy. Well the last exams I have areee: History, Cooking, Chem, and Marketing. I am horrible in history, so pray that I pass. I am even worse in chem, so pray for a miracle. In cooking and marketing, I'm sure I'll do fairly[sp?] well.

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I saw Underworld this weekend..the movie was greatt!! I highly recommend it :D.

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Valentine's Day is in about 2 weeks. Anyone not excited??? I sure as hell am not. The last Valentine's Day that I had a boyfriend, which was 2 years ago..I didn't really have much interest in the kid because we never hung out outside of school. And I hate "in school" relationships. They're just kind of a show for your peers. But besides when I was in 5th grade..yes 5th grade, my Valentines have never been memorable. They're just another day to pass by, and get the year moving.

• I also think that Valentine's Day is just an excuse for those people who dont do anything for their significant other on a regular basis. I mean really. If you're in a relationship, you should be taking your S.O. out to dinner at least once a month. And maybe even bring them flowers about that often too, unless I just have high expectations. But I think thats sweet. So why would you be expected to do it this day??
• I mean I guess it's cute. And last year I did get something from an ex, a friend, and had a whole other guy as me to be his Valentine. So then maybe it's just not for those who are in relationships, but it helps give that boost to some to find "love" or that of romantic interest.

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For like the 2 or 3 people?? :P that actually read my blog....are you excited for Valentine's Dayy??

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OH!!. And I currently have photoshop. And I'm in lovee. I find it to be so amazing what you can do with pictures, just by the click of a button and a little movement of the mouse.

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I also find myself happier lately. And yet angrier at the same time...or at least more cranky. AND..I find myself coming up with songs//poems in my head. It's weird because I haven't done that in about 3 years. Welll...!!!

I'm thirsty and I'm gonna get me some iced tea. I'm gonna try to blog more noww :D.

Simply Yours,
Lorri

Confusion/Self Awareness.

I'll just start off by saying that I thought that coming in with the mentality of "happiness" in the New Year would actually make a difference in how my year would be...

Well I haven't really written much at all because I didn't know what to write about or what to say. But maybe it's not about that. Maybe it's just an outlet for my emotions and how I feel, to help calm me down or just say what I have to say good or bad. It's like a therapist. Ha.

So, I don't know how much easier I could have it:
I don't work, my mom gives me money weekly. I mean it's not like getting money every hour like at a job, but it's just money that I get. How much easier could that get?
On top of that, I don't even do much in my house. All I have to worry about is cleaning my room. I mean they ask me to help, but do I do it? Of course not. I think I'm just beginning to realize how selfish I am.
I already got accepted to college. All I need to do is keep those grades above an F, and graduate and I'm gone. Yet I can't seem to focus on anything, whether it be school, friends, or family. I don't think I'm even focusing on taking care of myself. I feel like I'm just hurting those around me just because maybe I want them to be as miserable as I am, and that's just not fair. It's unbelievably wrong on my part.

Maybe, no not maybe. I AM a selfish, vengeful, hurtful person. And I just can't seem to find any good in me lately. I see no light in me. I don't see how anyone can contest to this. I don't see anyone can be friends with a person like me, or even want to be around me.

I just lost a friend because I wanted to see far he'd go. For some reason I got so sad and upset when I realized what I had done. How could I let my own vendetta against someone else effect my actions. I don't like losing friends. I don't think anyone does. And I know I said before, that "it's okay to let go because if they wanted to go in the first place, then it wasn't really worth having them at all, was it?" I still believe this statement, but not if I force them to make the decision to leave.

The funny yet sad thing is, I had contemplated one of the worst outcomes one could think of. I won't tell you what exactly, but I did. And I wake up today to find out that I had no school, and that the college I got accepted to is sending me a scholership offer. I would be stupid if I ever thought of giving that up. I have the option to be something, to be someone that can go far, farther than my parents and maybe my siblings(no offense). I have that option to be. The choice just lies in my hands, and I have to change my faults because now that I've seen them, and noticed them in clear vision, I know I can change for the better. I can take the time I'm alone at home, which is very often, and reflect on who I am, and just grow. That's what life is about: Growing.

If I ever hurt you or someone you know, I'm so sorry. I can't say whether or not I had the intention to hurt anyone, but I am so deeply sorry. I know that's not good enough, but that's all I feel I can do right now. I apologize whole heartedly.

I'm gonna try my hardest to be a better person. For those of you that consider me your friend and that I consider mine, I understand if after you read this, your feelings change towards me.

:'(
Again..I'm sorry.

Simply Yours,
LAM.

My sister Stephanie.

I just wanted to say a quick Happy Birthday to my older sister Stephanie aka Fifany =)

I love you so muchh. And I cannot wait to meet my future neice :D
I hope you had and continue to have an amazing day because you deserve it.

I'm so ecstatic that we've become so close ever since I moved in with Papi. And we remain close. You realized I wasn't a spoiled brat, and I realized you were actually caring and sweet instead Ms. Attitude. =P
Well I love youu again!! You're the best = )

Simply Yours,
LAM

P.S. --- She got her name Fifany because when my older brother was younger, he couldn't pronounce her name Stephanie, therefore coming up with FIFANY!. Lol. Well it kinda stuck with her, and I like to call her that occasionally.

The Kickoff

Alright, so here's the thing..I started coming on here, simply to read my friend, JAM's blogs. Then, my friend Julian started blogging, and when he noticed that I didn't have any blogs he asked my why. I answered saying I wouldn't know what to write..yadayadayada. Anywho, at some point I had mentioned that I just wasn't ready for people to read my life story at which he responded with "I don't see it as reading your life story..I see it as accepting what your mind has to tell." I thought that was pretty interesting, so I figured I'd give this blogging thing a shot. Oh and he said blogging becomes its own personality which is something else I found interestingg..

Well..here goes & bare [or however you spell it] with me please, I suck at this =). Heheh.

For starters, I did make the banner that says Simply Yours. But thats just my own little signature thingy. Weird, yeah I know. It's usually "Simply Yours LAM." With LAM being my initials and one of my many nicknames. We'll discuss that another time.

For now I'll just talk about how interesting my 2008 was.
Well, I moved a lot, whether my leaving was due to good or bad reasons, it was still interesting. I think in just the year of 08 I moved 3 times..living in four different homes. I lived in NYC and met the most interesting, and some the nicest people there. People that I will always remember.
I had one heartbreak with no serious relationships following that. I mean I dated two people following that break up, but like I said before, nothing serious.

I'll consider 2008, the year of experience, maturity, and knowledge. I experienced that it's okay to come forward. I matured in a sense because by living in different homes, each family in one way or another has taught me a lesson which helped me grow and expand more. One thing I know I learned and will always remember is that it's okay to let go because if they wanted to go in the first place, then it wasn't really worth having them at all, was it?
But who knows what 2009 will bring. I just know I'm excited to be graduating and starting college. That'll be an adventure to experience.

Simply Yours,
LAM.